The start of this thang' , About me and my drama filled town

*Before we start I'd say about 80% of this is about my love life , I don't mean to come off whiney or w/e"*

It seems I've never been very fund of writing about things , nor my own life for that matter. But in a strange weird kind of way , I feel like if I can express how I feel and what's going on through the course of one of my days of life , Maybe I'll be able to let off some steam. I always felt like a day for me could be a chapter in a novel , not in any egotistical way but in a weird way it would work as a clever book. Anyways. Let me introduce myself.

I'm Blake , I'm 18 years old. I consider myself too outgoing, an extremely honest person (which is hard to find these days) , very humor filled (too many jokes), extremely optimistic , I HATE drama I like living my life and being chill with everyone if you don't like me it's all good stay out of my way, and I'm also extremely nerdy but not in that bad "I'm gonna defeat you with proton cannons or w/e" kinda way. I enjoy the simple things like hanging out with friends and going on my computer. I love music , I don't think I could go a day without it in some form. I'm into classic rock /alternative (as long as it stays out of the emo touch) and a very small amount of rap (we're talking like 1-3 artists) I've just never been into it. And I also LOVE video games :). My passion , the one thing I wanna do when I get out of school this year and get my ass to college is to become a cartoonist or , an animator as it's known. I wanna break into the cartooning field because it's a dying artform , and not to pull a Walt Disney but I feel personally I was put onto this Earth to make people happy , whenter it's helping them with problems , or what I wish to do: make cartoons.

I feel as though we live in a world where the common nice guy doesn't get his chance at the gold in life. Yeah yeah , I'm in high school and it should be a given that you lose friends and you find out who the real people are. Well my 4 years are pretty much down to months and personally I was prepared for all that and a bag of chips. But I've been having strange thoughts lately. Am I gonna be fucked over in life? For being myself!? For trying to be kind to everyone? I notice all the stereotypes , labels ,etc w/e all succeed in some fucked up way whenter it be being a dope , cheating , or just dressing like a moron. They always get the girls or the grades , while someone like me busts their ass for both of those things. So is this gonna be my life? Is this the way it'll always be? Do nice guys really finish last?

I beg to differ. I'm not like everyone else , never have been , never will be. I am myself , I enjoy talking about Autobots and Decpticons , and Metaclorine Levels of Jedi. I enjoy complaining , because no one else will. I enjoy remembering every character of Doug and Rocko's Modern life. I'm always the odd man out , and personally weird is just normal to me. I LOVE being weird. It's me. I can't change , and I've learned that early luckily. The thoughts of ghetto clothes and chain pants in middle school make me laugh still to this day. So I make pledge to myself , that I won't let these morons take advantage of me in my life. because Ifeel as though as silly as I act I KNOW i'm more maturer then half of these jackasses.

See I come from a town , that is litterally a brewing area for the assholes that appear in your life time. Ever since I moved here at the age of 8 , I've had the senses to detect just how bad this peice of shit town is. Everyone in it is loaded with cash , getting free cars and video game systems , not understanding what of which has been handed to them all their life. Their mentality is careless , heartless , and brainless. Hey I just made up 3 lesses'! Then there's another half like myself that are the common joe people who live in homes , or apartments (which would be me proudly 13 years now) , who understand the concept of working hard , or being themselves or someone in general. That'd be me. There's too many people in my school representing the daily life of someone who's been done with college and working out in that big ol' real world. Yes I understand again that high school is bullshit. But this town takes it up a notch , like a swift kick in the ass. I'd say roughly a big 95% of the girls in our school are single. And a majority of them are gorgous. The reason they're single is because they're all stuck up , judgemental , look obsessed bitches with the brain of a fuckin watermelon. They'll never understand that you can't find the perfect person more or so just by looks , it's by everything. They treat all the guys like shit and to top it off , say goodbye to dating. They're too afraid , confused , or full of shit to wanna date you.

The way I can prove this is I know people from towns all around this town. People are somewhat more friendlier , more opened to dating and social events , while my school just drowns in asshole-topia. In the last year and a half I've met 5 girls in which I truthfully cared for. One of which , I stopped liking because I saw right through her emo -scene bs and she was too fake for anyone to like. I should warn you about my flaw. I can see right through people. I can see how they really are , why they act like it , if they're really deep down a good person....let me just say sometimes this power epically fails me. But I'm stupid and I continued to like her even after she used me for attention , and me being kind and giving 2 fucks about her whiney ass. She never had a real legitiment reason for being "emo". She had a nice family , a good life. She loved her family , she wasn't very suicidal. She had good friends , and yet everyone always sayd "you don't know what she's been through" , and she could never give me a story. I asked around , I've heard jack shit. There must have been no story at all. Let's just flash foward. Her using me to date some guy with a gf , him not liking her , her being a retard , and me finally telling her off this year in a text message of epic proporations cuz I finally got to see just how fuckin crazy she was. She accused me of making fun of her all the time and critizing everything she did. She liked that paramore shitbox band , and I hate em , but that doesn't mean I'm telling you to not like them , I make jokes at her a lot and she took em all seriously , she accused me of not being a nice person and I was guilty of one thing. Me thinking I was good for her. No one will be , she 's into gay dudes that dress like chicks and wear eyeliner. So in the end she made me question my own self , whenter or not I really was as Nice or honest or w/e as I claim myself to be. Fuck that. Now she sits in a math class with me and I dont' talk to her , nor speak to her. She disgusts me in every way because she's fake , has no moral value , and doesn't care about anyone by her selfish fuckin disgusting self. To think I even wasted my heart on her , personally hurts me.

2nd girl had mucho in common with me , even liked comic books and disney , was funny and cute ontop of it. But that resulted in me calling her , and her telling me she didn't wanna date me because she keeps constantly making up excuses as to why she sucks at being a girlfriend and all this over a guy that she used to like years ago , and isn't even with him. Then to find out he's got a gf , and he makes her feel like shit for every guy that she dates. WTF IS THAT!? I think it's done now , but reguardless...talk about stupid shit. So I was close. She's actually talking to me again , but sadly it'll never be about going out. FML.

3rd one was kinda cute in a strange way and I was very flattered she even wanted to talk to me. I notice she used to look at me a lot. She seemed like nerdy cute, very fuckin skinny though. I'm a chubby guy , I mean that's crazy for me. She seemed friendly and sincere till I relised why everybody hates her. She's immature as fuck. She makes shitty jokes and phone calls that have to do with over used and badly made sex jokes. AND SHE COULDNT MAKE UP ONE CONVERSATION! Fuck that's annoying and too much work. I couldn't stand it , and even after I told her I kinda liked her and she said the same , she denied it. Then I said fuck this to the immature shit and dropped it. She gave me an attitude. Once in a while she'd try to talk to me in which case I tune her and her big group of friends out. They're all stuck up morons. Later on as I liked girl 5 , she tries popping up again I'll explain that.

4th one doesn't count but she kept giving me strange signals of something , but instead was just a girl looking for some new friends , I sadly could respect that...damn you and your awesome personality and your awesome eyes X_X , least we're friends. The last one was recently , and It's still effecting my heart.

5th one , is the most recent and it has truthfully effected my heart in every way and has shown me people are fuckin heartless and cruel even in a nice angel form. I saw her in a health class I had about a year ago , I thought she was cute and she always looked at me. But I never spoke to her due to the seat positions and the 2 girls in front of me I kinda wanted to talk to more sadly, but now looking back maybe I was right. I really "met" her on facebook after I wrote as a status a line from "Night Train" By Guns N' Roses. After I wrote some lyrics , she finished them. I nearly shit my pants. I actually saw her on , and any girl who can finish a Guns N' Roses line in my book is amazing. We talked , I figured out she had a troubled past with girl # 3 , she was trying to find a new batch of friends , which she did. She was starting over and she realised they were all immature and always making fun of people so she said that wasn't her. Which I fuckin totally respect , because I've hung out with the wrong kids before. Been there , done that so I knew. Now keep in mind , girl #3 and 5 are 2 years younger then me , so to hear all this stuff again is like parts of my past. I'll sum this up , we texted , and aimed for about 4- 6 months. Instant messaged sometimes went on from 9:30 to like 3 in the morn and above. We had everything in common , It was like I met some awesome female counterpart. I for the first time felt like I had found someone who was like me in such a way I wasn't gonna be alone. I know how cliche that sounds but I'm a lover as you can tell , I foucus way too much on this shit and for me to find this beautiful of a person made me so fuckin happy.

We shared our families in general , our problems , our interests , everything. And like cut and paste almost everything was alike, even our fuckin taste in music. It's so rare to find a girl I find amazing and had the same time of music as me. I thought this girl was beautiful might I add , she was tough on herself because she was "skinny" but she wasn't what we consider obsese or fat. She was just kinda medium , so I really didn't see anything wrong with her. Now I'm not a judgemental type at fuckin all but as a chubby person I feel fuckin sterotyped and wrong when I have to be in a position to like another chubby person. Fuck that. I like girls with personally but I also enjoy a girl who really makes me go "damn" and not me imaging another chubby person I've got enough to deal with as it is, sorry that's life. I see too many bigger people partnered with bigger people and It bugs the hell out of me , shows what kind of fucked up world we live in. Anyways so I thought she was great. The huge problem was she could never date me , at first I was struggling upon age which I finally said fuck it to later on. But it progressed into her parents thinking she'd marry a family friend's son who lives in like another state , and everyone knows she doesn't like him and they're not even forcing her to marry him. So it was kinda like her feel bad about it thought wise. Seriously what's with all these girls having non-exitent ,artifical baggae? Strange. Anyways as time went on it seemed we could finally date , because she grew out of that stuff. She even led me on to believe we'll date soon,etc. Shit never happened. Sometimes she wouldnt respond to me for days , especially during a MIDTERM week (which is kinda wtf worthy). She was apparently a great student , but it's a fuckin midterm and how often do you met a great person who has some much in common with you and can help you when you feel down...psh. Let me speed this up. When I finally got her to talk to me again after that midterm week , It ended with me asking if she even gave a fuck , what was I to her. Because deep down I knew it wasn't gonna happen. A Bunch of fucking lost dreams. At first she thought she was my only friend or w/e , I explained no your deffinetely not. I just care about you. So anyways this ended with me saying how she never seemed ready for a relationship. She agreed, we finished this. I played once again , Mr.Nice guy and told her not to feel sad or w/e it's no one's fault. A Week went by with empty thoughts. The 2nd week rolled by. I felt horrible , I felt depressed , I felt like I lost everything because of a girl I barely knew. Who would visit me super rarely in the morning or meet me in the halls rarely. Hell she made me a cd for my birthday , how FUCKIN awesome is that!? I just felt.....so alone , another cliche.

I let this go for some time after a while. I finally tried talking to her via text and she seemed shocked that I even wanted to speak to her. We talked for a day or 2 , and once again we both obtained silence. You know , I just needed closure. I just wanted to know if she even cared all this time , if everything was a lie , you know. I caught her on facebook , she told me she did think about me. And I said well listen I know I was nice and all , but I really do think about you a lot ,etc. And then she pulled out the twist. See I've told this girl about all my shit , I told her how I expect people to just fuck me over in the end , happens all the time to me. Sure I'm not the only one with this abbility. She told me to wake up and smell the coffee. That she had been playing me!....BUT SHE DIDN'T KNOW! ...I didn't know what to say , only that she became girl #3 , which she denied. I was nice about it. She told me she didn't mean to let me , on , but she wanted to see how far she could get with this. There I felt used again , so upset. Why does this keep happening to me? What did I fuckin do to deserve this , but to fuckin care and give my heart to someone yet again , someone that I really saw myself dating x 1000.

In the end , which is now. I'm ok , her birthday passed . I didn't get her a cd or wish her anything. I just let it go. I'm right for being nice ,but to let this go. I debate in my head. Oh well. Now you know about some of the drama in my life. People here are fuckin horrible.

And in a sense I'm here to tell stories of just my mere 18 year old self. I don't know anything about the real world yet. All I know is I hope my karma kicks in and hits these people in the ass. if I keep this blog going , you'll read about more of my life , shit gets realler then this just like everyone else XD. Anyways I didn't mean to come off whiney or love obsessed , but I really am a Lover , I felt like I've been here before. Anyways More to come about my life and w/e I like. Peace people , and add me :)